Four Months!

Dear Annabelle,

Today you are four months old! I can’t believe that you have already been in my life for one third of a year, but in a way, I can’t remember life without you either. This month you have changed in so many exciting ways! You can stand up when you hold onto my fingers for support, and you love it! You straighten your little legs and try to stand whenever you’re sitting. You also love sitting in your Bumbo seat, which you have mastered. You sit up straight looking so proud of yourself! You’re not just batting at toys now, but grabbing them with gusto! You found your feet and consier them your favorite toys, but I don’t think you realize that they are attached to you yet.

You are no longer just cooing, you are squealing and yelping and discovering your voice. You seem to amaze yourself sometimes! You also finally giggled for the first time on June 27^th while your daddy was tickling you. That sound was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard, but you haven’t been interested in repeating it since. I know someday it will be easy to elicit giggles from you, but I hope I never take them for granted.

You continue to be the light of my life, and I am so blessed that you are my daughter.

Love,

Mama

The Birth of Annabelle Jane, Part III

Part I | Part II

7:00 AM

We got the hospital right at shift change, and all I remember was that the computer they used for charting was broken, and they had to fix it before I could get anything done. I was pacing the room, exhausted and no longer coping. I was very whiney by this point! Once I knew it was epidural time, I REALLY wanted it! I begged Laurie for more Nubain, and I finally got it and collapsed onto the bed in a drugged, painful haze.

9:00 AM

While it took forever for the anesthesiologist to get there, he placed the epidural insanely fast! I started to feel relief pretty quickly, and when my nurse came in the room after I’d had the epidural for 20 minutes or so, I stuck my hand out to shake and said “Hi, I’m Jennifer!” I think it was the first coherent thing I’d said since arriving to the hospital! I hated the way the epidural made me feel, numb and shakey, but I was grateful for the rest it allowed me to get. I pushed my scared thoughts about the possibility of needing a cesarean out of my head and went to sleep.

11:45 PM

After a luxurious three hour nap (for all of us!), I woke feeling MAJOR pressure. I knew this meant business! Sure enough, I was 9cm! Fifteen minutes later, I told Laurie the pressure was seriously intense- it had to be time to push. It was! We called Bethany, who was napping at the birth center, and she came right over. A mere 20 minutes after I started pushing….

12:35 PM

Annabelle Jane was caught by Bethany (under Laurie's wonderful guidance) and placed immediately into my arms. Kyle and my mom were by my side, and Tamara was snapping away! I was amazed that she was so tiny, and had so much hair!  Annie rested on my belly and looked around for awhile, and we gave breastfeeding a try.

I can’t tell this story without thanking everyone who made it possible. First and most importantly to my husband, who was my rock throughout labor. Despite having gotten up at 4 AM and working 8 hours on Sunday, he stayed by my side and squeezed my hips through every contraction for hours and hours. He supported me in every way possible, and made me fall in love with him all over again!

Also to Bethany, who is the best friend/study buddy/midwife a girl could ask for! We have been through so much together over the last four years, and I feel so blessed that she was able to catch Annabelle!

To my mom, who took a doula class when I was pregnant so she could help me during labor! It was so special to have her there as we welcomed another generation into the family.

To the Leigh and Laurie, who were just the people I needed during labor. The week Annie was born started March Madness, and I know they were as exhausted as we were by the end. But they were exactly who I needed for that labor, and I only wish I could have my next baby(ies) at Charleston Birth Place!

To Shannon and Ashton, who both got to spend time with me during my labor. You guys are the best! I remember looking up in my haze and seeing Ashton at some point and thinking, “Thank God she’s on call!”

Finally to Shannon again and to Jodi, who have helped me immensely with the breastfeeding issues we’ve had. Annie is now three months old and I’m so glad I stuck with it! 

And one more thing- I'm totally going natural next time. As long and painful as it was, it was worth every minute. I'm admittedly hoping that it won't take as long, however!

The Birth of Annabelle Jane, Part II

Part I

7:00 PM

SEVEN. Seven contractions. That is how many contractions I survived in the car on the way to the birth center. I will never forget because those seven contractions were some of the worst throughout the whole labor! When we pulled up, Leigh was waiting for us at the door. I was in the middle of #7 and unable to move. She walked out to the car and held my hand, reassuring me. “You’re doing wonderfully!” she said. I pitifully moaned back “I think I’m only 2cm.” She told me I sounded like I was 8. I told her not to get her hopes up.

7:15 PM

I was right. Leigh checked me and I knew by the look on her face (and how posterior the exam was) that it wasn’t going to be 8cm! She called me 3/100/-2, 4 during a contraction (p.s., a vaginal exam on your back during a contraction S U C K S!). Leigh told us to go ahead and bring our stuff in because though it was a bit early, it was indeed labor day. Laurie was coming in to join the party soon, so Leigh said we should until she was there so they could do the sterile water papules together. Meanwhile, I walked around the birth room, stopping and very loudly moaning through contractions. I was scared that it hurt so much already, and in ways I hadn’t really anticipated.

8:00 PM

Laurie was still stuck at the hospital, so I begged Leigh to do the sterile water papules herself. They hurt like hell, but I had almost instantaneous relief of the back pain! The contractions were SO much more manageable without the pressure in my back. I stopped yelling and was able to just breathe through the contractions. It was good timing, because I started getting visitors! Shannon stopped by on her way home from work, Bethany and Laurie arrived, and Tamara, our “doulagrapher,” came and started snapping pictures. I was relaxed and ready to face the rest of my labor. We called my mom, who had to make a six hour drive from Florida, and hoped she would make it in time. (Spoiler: that turned out to be a non-issue.)

11:00 PM

I spent three hours switching between walking, the birth ball, and the shower (my favorite place the whole labor!). I got in the tub for a little while even though it was too early, but it didn’t help much (boo). I got a second round of sterile water injections, and I was starting to moan through the contractions again. At 11 I wanted to be checked again; it had been four hours and I was hoping to be at least 6-7. Instead, I was 5. I tried very hard to turn off my midwife brain, ignore the Friedman’s curve that I was falling off of, and just labor.

Monday, March 5^th, 2012

12:00 AM

I was struggling through the contractions and was totally unable to pee, which made the pain worse! A straight cath and some lunges later, I was feeling a little better but still having trouble coping. Leigh checked me again a little after 1:00 AM- 6cm! Faster progress than the first 5, that was for sure. I got a little more hopeful and figured I could keep going. By this point I developed a HUGE respect for women who birth naturally in the hospital with epidural availability- I might not have made it this long! Leigh suggested trying some Nubain so I could get a little rest, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I figured the next four cm would be much faster.

1:30 AM

Or not. I was still struggling with the pain and falling asleep between contractions. I decided to give the drugs a try. I got shot up with Nubain and Phenergan, and within minutes I was snoozing in the “midwife position” in the bed, barely waking up to rock through my contractions.

3:30 AM

At some point in my haze my mom showed up, and I was so happy to see her. I was starting to wake up a little when I felt something wet underneath me. I told Bethany “I think my water broke!” I climbed out of bed to stretch and check it out, and what had been a little leak turned into a huge splash on the floor. I was elated! I felt rested, in control, and positive that this was a sign that I would be holding Annabelle soon. I got back in the tub and floated through my contractions.

4:30 AM

I started feeling a little pressure and sure enough, I was 7-8! Wahoo! I knew this was transition and I was struggling to cope again, and falling asleep between contractions. Everyone was afraid Kyle and I were going to drown because we were both so exhausted!

5:30 AM

Laurie told me that she wanted to start in IV to keep me hydrated. In the back of mind, I knew everyone was thinking hospital transfer. I had little concept of how long this was taking, other than that it was taking a very long time. I didn’t know or care what time it was, I was just lost in labor land. The pressure continued and I was not coping well. Kyle was falling asleep too, and I knew I needed to get this over with soon. I told my mom “This baby needs to come out, now!”

6:30 AM

Another check, and instead of the transitiony 7-8 I had been, I was a swollen 6cm. Laurie gently suggested that it was time to think about going to the hospital. I was vaguely aware of the fact that one of my favorite patients, also a first timer, had delivered three hours earlier in the other room. I was jealous of her! I turned to Kyle and asked him to make the decision for me. I didn’t want to give up, but I knew I was too tired to keep going. We decided together that they were right, and starting packing up our stuff.


Part III

The Birth of Annabelle Jane, Part I

Sunday, March 4^th, 2012

4:30 AM

I wasn’t expecting to go into labor at 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I had just finished my clinical hours on Thursday and had my first prenatal massage on Friday. I figured I had at least a week, if not two, to finish up some schoolwork and relax before Annabelle made her debut. I woke up to mild cramps around 4:30 in the morning while Kyle was getting ready for work. I immediately felt uncomfortable lying in bed and knew I wanted to move, but I wasn’t quite ready to get out of bed yet (I was still planning on going back to sleep because I never thought this would turn into labor!).  I got on my hands and knees in bed and leaned over a tower of Kyle’s pillows, breathing through the contractions. They were happening about every 3-5 minutes and felt  little different than my usual Braxton Hicks, but I figured they would go away. Kyle came out of the bathroom and asked what I was doing in that odd position. I told him I was having contractions, but waved him off to work anyway (we wanted to save his days off for when labor started, ha!). He left a little after 5:00am and I finally gave up on falling back asleep, thinking I’d catch a nap when the contractions stopped.

6:30 AM

These contractions were feeling different than my Braxton Hicks; they weren’t painful but were uncomfortable enough that I decided to get in the shower to relieve some of the pressure in my back. They picked up in intensity and came every 3 minutes while I was in the shower. I was starting to get excited thinking that maybe this was it, but also nervous. When would be the right time to call Kyle and have him come home from work? Would Bethany still be able to come after being in clinical all night? When should I call my mom so she had to come from Florida? I started feeling anxious and really wanted to go for a walk outside to clear my head and see what the contractions would do.

7:00 AM

I got dressed and walked outside only to realize that it was raining! I was stuck inside my dark, quiet, house with nobody around. I decided to call Bethany to get a second opinion. I wasn’t even sure if this was labor, but if it wasn’t I didn’t know how I was going to handle doing this for the next two weeks! As soon as Bethany picked up the phone she asked “Are you in labor???” She knew I wouldn’t be up so early otherwise! I told her I didn’t know and she let me whine about how lonely and nervous I was. We decided that she would come over and check my cervix if this was still happening when she got home from her clinical site, which was four hours away. I hung up feeling tearful and wishing it were 11 already! I drank a huge glass of water and decided to get in the bath and try to relax. After an hour in the tub, I was cold and still contracting. I moved to the shower and starting moaning through some contractions, but more out of nerves than pain. I spent the next four hours changing between the shower, tub, and pacing my hallway. At one point I decided to listen to my Hypnobabies “Easy First Stage” track. About 45 seconds in a contraction hit. I threw the earbuds across the room and yelled “Screw you, hypnob*tch!” Not one of my finer moments, but definitely a sign of things to come.

11:30 AM

Contractions had been steadily 3-5 minutes apart for 7 hours now, but were not getting stronger. They were just uncomfortable enough that sitting or lying down through them was quite unpleasant, not making sleep a viable option.  Bethany came straight to our house and hung out and chatted with me. I felt so much better just having someone else to distract me! I sat on an exercise ball and bounced between contractions, but I HAD to stand when one started! I would get up from the table and either sway, squat, or lean on the counter. Anything to get the pressure off my back and hips! Some contractions were strong and some very mild, but they were no longer in a pattern. I figured that meant that things were slowing down, so we decided not to check my cervix. It was fingertip and barely 50% effaced at my prenatal visit the week before, and we figured it wouldn’t be much different now. I could tell Annabelle hadn’t dropped, either. At one point I called Kyle to tell him that Bethany was here but we didn’t think this was it yet. He said “It? What? Like labor?” as though he had forgotten that that was going to happen in the near future! We decided it would be best to keep him at work and not waste his time off.

2:30 PM

Kyle got home from work and Bethany left to catch a nap in case things picked up again. We milled around the house trying to relax and see what would happen. We watched TV for a couple hours with me sitting on the ball and pacing through contractions. I started feeling antsy and really wanted to get out of the house. I figured a walk around the block would tell me what I needed to know.

4:00 PM

We went for a walk down the street behind our complex. A grandmother pushing a stroller with triplets(!) passed us with a knowing smile, because every few feet I would have to stop and “slow dance” with Kyle through the contractions. We walked for about 15 minutes before I started moaning through the contractions again. This time it was because they were starting to hurt! We decided to turn around and head home to make sure everything was ready to go to the birth center when it was time. I gave Bethany a heads up that things were looking and feeling like labor.

5:00 PM

I’d already been awake and contracting for over 12 hours, and while it hadn’t been too painful up this point, it was physically and mentally tiring. Maybe it was the walk or maybe it was just time, but the contractions switched gears from very bearable latent labor to OMG MY HIPS ARE RIPPING IN HALF active labor very suddenly. I really wanted to go to the birth center, but I knew it wasn’t time. I told myself what I would tell a patient- wait until the contractions are regular AND painful for at least two hours before calling. So I told Kyle I would hold out until 7pm. If they were still this painful and regular then, we’d call Leigh. In the mean time, I decided to try the bath tub again. Kyle filled it for me while I continued to pace and moan.

6:00 PM

After an hour HOWLING in the bath tub with intense back and hip pain, I gave in. Kyle was trying to give me counter pressure, but t wasn’t helping. I knew I wasn’t going to be very dilated, but all I could think about was getting sterile water injections to alleviate some of the back pain. Kyle reminded me that I had wanted to wait two hours, and that I should be breathing through the contractions instead of yelling. I kindly demanded that he call Leigh and reminded him that yelling did, in fact, require breathing. Leigh called back and I made Kyle answer the phone, because I didn’t want to howl at her. He started answering her questions but as soon as she heard me have a contraction, she told him to just pack up and bring me in. I knew she thought by my noises that I was 7-8cm, but I felt like I was probably only 2-3. Kyle began loading up the car while I continued to pace and howl with increasing anxiety. I wasn’t sure 1) how I could possibly sit in the car for 25 minutes and 2) how I could get through God-only-knows how many more hours of this.


Part II | Part III

Long time no write...

Sorry I dropped off the face of the blog after 24 weeks of pregnancy! I got so busy once I started clinicals full time that I just neglected to do any updates. But I'm hoping to do at least a monthly update now that Annie is Earthside. I'll start by adding a link to our beautiful labor video, courtesy of the fabulous Tamara Hart of Bump Meet Baby photography. She is known as the birth center's "doulagrapher" because in addition to taking beautiful photos, she is very helpful to the laboring woman as well! I finally wrote my birth story and will be sharing that as well. It's L O N G, but then so was my labor!

Our 24 Week Prenatal Visit

Everything is going well so far! We got our ultrasound results and Annabelle is healthy and perfect! She is a mover and shaker already, and Kyle is now finally able to feel her kick! Sometimes she makes me whole belly shake with her wiggles. It's the best feeling in the world!
We are now at an important point in the pregnancy (from the point of view of a labor and delivery nurse), which is that Annabelle could survive (albeit with a long and difficult road in the NICU) if she were to be born for any reason at this point. She is around 1 1/2 pounds now and her little organs are developing more each day.
Kyle and I are taking a childbirth education class together this Saturday to help us prepare for natural birth as a couple and a team. He will be my primary support person and I know he is up to the task! He has already been an incredible support so far during this pregnancy. Annie already has him wrapped around her little finger, and she's not even born yet!
In other news, I quit my job at MUSC after four amazing and sometimes difficult years. Starting in mid-December, I will be a full-time clinical student at the birth center. I will be in the office seeing patients Monday-Thursday and on call to catch babies Friday-Sunday. Between that, looking for jobs, and getting ready to be a mom, I will keep busy!
Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are looking forward to more holiday fun!

A little late...

But here is my Halloween costume! This was truly a pain in the butt to make, but I think it turned out pretty cute anyhow! I free-handed everything except the baby, which I printed online, cut out, and glued on with white paint.

Everything went well at our prenatal visit; Tadpole/Annabelle is healthy and growing more every day! I can actually feel her kick now, though Kyle still can't. She is a little wiggle worm who swims around all day! We're taking a childbirth class together on December 3rd, the same week as our next prenatal visit. I will update you all again soon!